It’s no surprise that COVID-19 has disrupted our typical dating routines. Forced into isolation with roommates or partners, or on our own, cruising for a fling just isn’t as easy (or recommended) as it once was. On top of casual dating, maintaining nonmonogamous relationships presents challenges for those trying to proceed with their romantic lives. For many folks, their partnerships are evolving day by day as social distancing shifts to the new normal and shelter-in-place circumstances disrupt poly formations. Polycules, constellations, and networks are all navigating the pandemic in various ways, and each has their own unique set of boundaries.
The New York City Health Department released guidelines on safe sex practices during COVID-19 and recommended that people only have sex with the person that they live with and advised that “you are your safest partner,” which encourages safety and satisfaction through masturbation. With coronavirus spreading through droplets of saliva, poly couples have had to make tough decisions on how to continue their partnerships. For folks who have multiple partners, choosing which partner to quarantine with may be a bit difficult. Balancing emotions, desires, and safe sex during a pandemic can create a fissure in a stable polycule. However, most of the couples I talked with have found that discussing the pandemic as well as safety measures is quite assuring and comforting.
Rae McDaniel, a certified sex therapist and founder of Practical Audacity, says that connecting with our loved ones may look different during the pandemic, and these “alternative ways of connecting simply may not completely meet your needs. And that’s OK.” They say there should be an acknowledgment “that we are going through collective withdrawal and grief about not being able to be with everyone that we love.” McDaniel says we should acknowledge that we miss someone in this “abnormal time.” McDaniel does note that the pandemic will likely strain partnerships. “Being forced to isolate from communities of friends and lovers alike can be extremely difficult when community is a main source of connection, meaning, and a feeling of belonging,” they explain.
