Q: Here goes: I’m a 32-year-old gay male and I have trouble staying out of my head during sex. I feel like there may be many issues. The one nonissue is everything works fine on my own. When I’m single or “available,” I am OK. Let’s be honest: I’m a slut and I enjoy it. But when I invest in someone, when I’m trying to have an actual relationship, the sex suffers. With a partner I care about I feel nervous. I feel small both mentally and physically. And I worry my dick is small. I’ve measured and photographed it, so I know better, but something in me is always asking . . . are you really enough?
Don’t lie to him about why you want to blindfold him—tell him you feel a little insecure—but bringing in a blindfold makes working through your insecurities into a sexy game. Being able to have sex with the boyfriend without having to worry about him sizing up your cock will free you to enjoy sex. And who knows, after a few hot sex sessions with your sensory-deprived boyfriend (or a few dozen hot sessions), your confidence may get the boost it needs and you won’t feel so insecure about your cock or anything else.
Q: I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. I’m a 27-year-old woman and this was my first “real” relationship. Before I met my boyfriend, I would have considered myself a steady dick-jumper. I went flitting from guy to guy. On paper, our relationship seemed great. He tries to make sure I have what I need, whether it’s a meal, a TV show, a record to play. He is stable and affectionate; most of all, he wanted to be with me. But he’s boring. When I talk to him, I want to be somewhere, anywhere else. The more I tried to engage with him, the more obvious our lack of any deep connection seemed. He is stoic and unemotional whereas I cry during car commercials. I’m desperately seeking an emotional equal. Every day I go back and forth between loving where we are and wanting to run the fuck away. I have a tendency to do the latter—with guys, friends, jobs—so I don’t know what I REALLY want. But I feel so incredibly unfulfilled. We have a lackluster sex life and I’ve felt more like his roommate the past year than his girlfriend. I want to be inspired by my partner. My question is . . . actually, I’m not really sure I have a question. —First Relationship Fizzle
