Q: I’m a 31-year-old cis bisexual woman. I’m hetero-romantic and in a monogamish relationship with a man. We play with other people together. I’ve never liked giving blowjobs because I was taught that girls who give blowjobs are “sluts.” Phrases that are meant to be insulting like “You suck,” “Suck it,” “Go suck a dick,” etc. created a strong association in my mind between blowjobs and men degrading women. (Men take what they want, and women get used and called sluts.) As such, I never sucked much dick—and if I did, it was only briefly and never to completion. I also find spit and come kind of gross. Even when I get really wet during sex, it’s a bit of a turnoff, and I hate that it makes me feel gross and wish I could change my thinking around it. Early in our relationship, my husband noticed the lack of blowjobs and confronted me, saying they were really important to him. At first I felt a little insecure about being inadequate in this area, but then I decided to do some research, because I honestly thought it wasn’t just me and most women don’t like giving blowjobs. (Because how could they? It’s so demeaning!) But I learned lots of my female friends enjoy giving blowjobs—they like being in control, giving a partner pleasure, etc.—so I googled ways to start liking blowjobs and I’ve started to get into them! It’s great! Except I still don’t like when he comes in my mouth or if a blowjob gets super spitty. But my husband loves sloppy blowjobs; he says the lubrication feels good and he enjoys the “dirtiness” of it. If I know he’s getting close to coming or if it gets super wet and I have spit all over my face, my gag reflex activates and it’s hard to continue. I feel like I’m at an impasse. I want to give him the blowjobs he wants, but I don’t know how to get around (or hopefully start enjoying!) the super-sloppy-through-to-completion blowjobs he likes. Do you have any advice? —Sloppy Oral Always Keeps Erections Drenched
And take it from me, SOAKED, to be kissed with both passion and gratitude by, say, a husband (ahem) who’s really enjoying something someone else is doing for/to him—whether or not that something is something you also enjoy doing for/to him from time to time—is really fucking hot. So even if you never come around—even if sloppy blowjobs are something you have to outsource permanently—you and your husband can enjoy years of sloppy blowjobs together, with the assistance of a series of very special (and very slutty) guest stars. And you can always get those blowjobs started—the non-sloppy, non-spitty initial phase—before passing the baton off to your guest star.
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