Q: I’m female, 26, and in an open marriage with a wonderful man. I have a recurring fear that he’ll get some other woman pregnant and she’ll refuse to abort. I trust him, but condoms break (or get holes poked in them). He inherited serious money from his father, and his father got “oops’d” into having three kids. I would immediately divorce my husband if this happened. (Yes, I’m an asshole, but my life plans have NEVER included children, step- or otherwise.) My solution is for him to get a vasectomy. He says he’s for it, but it’s been a YEAR and he hasn’t made an appointment. I’m seriously considering yanking “open” until he’s sterile. Maybe he really wants children and he’s not telling me, but I keep asking and he keeps saying no. Am I being unreasonable asking for the snip? —Seriously Not Into Pregnancy
Q: I’m a single gay male in my 40s. I have a good life and do good work. I’m not worried about finding the right guy to settle down with. I’m worried about what happens next. I’ve had three serious long-term relationships and several friends-with-benefits relationships. In every single one, a time has come, generally sooner rather than later, when I completely lose interest in my partner sexually. It’s not a matter of him being less attractive to me. It’s not a matter of us not being on good terms—often we become very close friends. It’s not a matter of my sex drive shutting down—I’m all kinds of turned on by other guys, just not the one I’m with. It’s reached a point where I’m deliberately holding myself back from getting into relationships because I’m tired of ruining good things. —Confirmed Bachelor
A: Fucking someone you know to be cheating implicates you in an infidelity, of course, and that’s usually bad—but not always. In some cases, cheating is the least worst option for all involved (the cheater, the cheated, their dependents); in others, cheating saves marriages that needed saving; in still others, cheating ends marriages that needed ending. Absent more info about this woman’s particular circumstances, BADDY, I can’t make a definite ruling about her badness for cheating or your badness for aiding and abetting.
