Q: I’ve been with the same amazing man a dozen years. We’ve had our ups and our downs, same as any other couple, but these days life is better than it ever has been for us. Except in the bedroom. A few years ago he started having fantasies about sucking dick. Specifically, he wanted to suck a small one because his is very big and he wanted to “service” a guy who’s less hung than he is. Which is fine except it’s now the only thing that gets him off. We seldom have sex because his obsession with sucking off a guy with a small dick makes me feel unattractive and to be honest I don’t share the fantasy. I even let him suck a dude off in front of me once and I didn’t enjoy it at all. He tells me he still finds me attractive but when we’re having sex the talk always goes to how he wants to take “warm and salty loads” down his throat. I’ve told him I’m not into it but he enjoys talking about it so much he can’t help himself. I thought allowing him to live out his fantasy would help him “get over it,” so to speak, but that didn’t happen. So now we just don’t have sex except once every few months. I’m not sure how to make him see that it’s just not my thing and to get the focus back on just the two of us. —Loves Obsesses About Dick Sucking
You’re obviously GGG—good, giving, and game—but your husband has taken you for granted and been almost unbelievably inconsiderate. Because even if he needs to think about sucking dick to get off, LOADS, he doesn’t need to verbalize that fantasy each and every time you fuck. Even if you were into it, which you’re not, it would get tedious. And it wasn’t just selfish of him to ignore how you felt, it was shortsighted. Because women who are willing to let their husbands talk about wanting to suck a dick—much less suck a dick—aren’t exactly easy to come by.
What you need is a reasonable accommodation. Opening up your marriage obviously isn’t an option right now, CLIT, and it might not be an option you would’ve considered even if it were possible for your husband to find an outlet (or inlet) elsewhere. But there is something you can do.
