My Dead Husband S Dms Are Stuffed With His Dick Pics

     Q: My husband recently passed away. He was a wonderful person and we had 12 great years together. He was also very, very organized. His death was an accident but everything was in order. He even left a note in a sealed envelope for his lawyer to present to me. It was one last love letter, Dan. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, no relationship is, but that’s who he was. Or that’s who I thought he was.



     P.S. Also, men? My husband was straight. Why was he sending photos to gay men?



     One person can’t be all things to another person sexually. People can ask for monogamous commitments, of course, and we all have a right to expect consideration and compassion from our partners—and not having the needs we can’t meet or the ways we fall short thrown in our faces is one way our partners demonstrate consideration and compassion. Your husband needed more attention than any one person could ever provide. He didn’t rub that in your face. He cut an ethical corner by swapping DMs with strangers to meet a need you couldn’t—but if getting that need met the way he did made it possible for him to stay in your marriage and stay faithful to you, perhaps you benefited too. And while your husband should’ve asked for your permission—while he should’ve gotten your OK—if you had found his DMs while he was alive, WIDOW, he would no doubt ask for your forgiveness. Think of the years he gave you and the love he showed you and ask yourself if you could give him the forgiveness he would be asking for if he could. Then give him—give yourself—that gift.



     Q: I sent you a letter yesterday. Today I told my husband I want a divorce. So I didn’t need any advice from you after all. Once I laid it out in my letter to you and thought about the last three years and the amount of struggling with this I have gone through, I realized that it was SO. DAMN. OBVIOUS. There was no question. There was only an answer. Divorce. It has been horrible the last couple days but things are starting to feel a bit better. The worst part is the intense pain that I have caused him. He loves me so much and it is painful to tell him that I do not love him the same way. But I am holding tight to my firm belief that in a few years, he will understand that I did this out of love—for him and for me. Thank you. Even though you did not need to respond, just being there to write to helped. —Writing Was Enough