Q: It’s taken a lot to do this, but here goes. I am a 38-year-old gay male. I have been dating this guy for one year and ten months. It’s been a lot of work. He cheated on me numerous times and he lives with me and doesn’t work and I’ve been taking care of him for seven months now. He always accuses me of cheating or finds something to blame me for. What I am angry about now is how for the past four months he has been accusing me of playing games by conspiring with people to make him hear voices. If I look up at the ceiling or look around he says I am communicating with “them.” I keep telling him I do not hear or see anything but he insists that I am lying. He also says I put a curse on him. One day I got up and he packed his bags and said he had enough and walked out. He said I was not being loyal. This is a man who has been doing coke since the age of 14 and he is now 43 years old. He does meth and whatever else. He said that until I come clean about hearing the voices and admit I cast some sort of spell on him, he won’t talk to me or see me. Mental illness runs in his family and one sibling already committed suicide. He didn’t want professional help because, he says, “I am too smart for that.” I’m hurt and angry and want some advice. ANY ADVICE. Please.
You might wanna seek some professional help yourself. You need to get to the bottom of why you wasted nearly two years on this asshole. Being alone can’t be worse than being with someone who cheats on you and then accuses you of cheating—to say nothing of someone who abuses drugs, hears voices, and makes other irrational/delusional accusations. He wasn’t just a danger to himself, DFA, he was a danger to you. He’s out of your apartment—now you need to get him out of your head.
Q: I’m a gay bondage bottom. My boyfriend of four years is 100 percent vanilla and we solved the “problem” of my need to get tied up—and it’s a real need—by outsourcing it. (Can you tell we’re longtime readers and listeners?) I was seeing two regular FWBs/bondage buddies but that’s obviously on hold right now. (I’ve reached out to both my FWBs to let them know I’m thinking about them and that I care about them, Dan, like you’ve been urging people to do on your show.) The issue is I still really need to get tied up and my boyfriend is willing, but he’s so bad at it that I don’t want to bother. He knows how much I need it and he’s hurt that I’d rather go without it than let him put me in bondage that isn’t really bondage because I can easily get out. We used to fight because I wanted him to tie me up and he didn’t want to do it and now we’re fighting because he wants to tie me up and I won’t let him do it. Any advice for a fan? —This Isn’t Exactly Desirable
