Q: I’m a cis male in my late 20s. I’ve recently become consumed by a specific fantasy I fear is unattainable, a fear that has been made worse by several failed attempts to research it.
- Into cuddling and general affection, some make-out sessions, and occasional hand jobs and blow jobs—but no penetrative sex or anal play.
Now for my questions: Does anyone like this actually exist? Is there a name for the fetish I’m describing? Does it have a community? Is it similar to any more accessible fetishes out there? Does my loss of libido and this specific fantasy say something about me that I’m too close to see? —Can Anyone Tell Me Anything Now
Zooming out . . .
A: I wouldn’t go, INVITE, and if I were a straight girl, I wouldn’t expect my gay friends to risk their lives in order to attend my wedding. While a quick search didn’t bring up news about any gay westerners being executed in Gambia in recent history, gay tourists have been arrested, imprisoned, and fined. So instead of attending your friend’s wedding next summer—which may not even happen, due to the pandemic—make a donation in her name to Initiative Sankofa D’Afrique de l’Ouest (www.ISDAO.org), an organization working to improve the lives and legal position of LGBT people in Gambia and other West African nations.
