Q: I’m a 56-year-old heterosexual man, and I’ve lived with ALS for the past six years. I am either in a wheelchair or in a hospital bed, and I have very little motor ability in my limbs. Like most or all male ALS patients, I still have full sensory ability, including a fully functioning penis. Are there safe websites or groups I can connect with that deal with helping paralytics like me find people who are interested in hooking up? I’m talking about people who have a fetish for paralytics. I know that some people have a thing for amputees; I imagine there’s a fetish for any number of diseases or afflictions. When I was healthy, I was into light bondage. That seems like a redundancy now, but I can still get into dress-up and role-play. I would be cool if someone was into the whole bathing, grooming, dressing thing, and whatever baby-doll fantasy they might have. Hell, I’d be happy if someone just wanted to give me a pity fuck! —Realistic About Getting Dominated Or Lustfully Laid
Now, many people, disabled and otherwise, look down on devotees, who are often accused of fetishizing disability and objectifying disabled people. But people who are exclusively attracted to the able-bodied and/or the conventionally attractive are rarely accused of fetishizing the able and ambulatory or objectifying the facially symmetrical. Which is why it has always seemed to me that if being with someone who is turned on by your whateverthe-fuck is good enough for the able-bodied, it’s good enough for people with disabilities. Provided of course that, able or disabled, we’re appreciated for everything we bring to the table or the chair or the bed.
Zooming out for a second: Safety is always a concern when inviting a stranger over for sex, RAGDOLL, even for the nondisabled. In addition to attracting the attention of a few good and decent people, devotees or not, your relative helplessness could attract the attention of a predator. So before inviting anyone over, get their real name and their real phone number. Then share that information with a trusted friend—someone who can check in with you before and after a date—and let your potential new fuck buddy know you’re sharing their info with a trusted friend.
A: I assume the app you’re using is Recon, WRAP, as it’s the most popular hookup app for kinky gay and bi men. There are “FRIENDS” listings in the lower right-hand corner of each profile. Contact the friends of anyone you’re interested in playing with and ask for a reference. Is this guy skilled, can he be trusted, does he respect limits, etc? If the answers are yes, yes, and yes, you can most likely trust him. v
