Q: I’m a bi, white, married man—35 years old and living in a big midwestern city. I’d like to know what’s going on in my psyche—from a sex-research perspective. I’ve been hung up on cuckold fantasies with my female partner for years now. But nine times out of ten, I’m spinning a yarn about her fucking other men, whether it’s a threesome, cuckolding with me watching, or her going out on dates and coming home a delicious mess. These fantasies took an unexpected turn when I asked her to share stories about people she fucked in the past—holy shit, was I turned on. The only unfortunate thing is that she did not have many great sexual experiences in the past. Anyway, we have an amazing sex life, obviously, and I feel no shame whatsoever about these fantasies or how turned on her memories make us. I’m just curious as to why it turns me on so much. I know others have similar kinks, but it seems so antithetical to the heteronormative expectations of what I should be turned on by. —Fantasies Reliably Enhance Every Dalliance
“Many cuckolds have a desire to engage bisexually with other men, using their wife’s body as a sort of proxy,” said Ley. “Given that FREED is a bi male in a heterosexual relationship, these cuckold fantasies might be a way for him to express his bisexuality while including his wife. Additionally, vicarious erotic fulfillment is often a central component in many cuckold fantasies. This goes beyond simple voyeurism—and FREED’s comment about his wife’s regret at not having enough sexual experiences to share offers us a clue in this direction. Many cuckolds celebrate their partners being sexually unrestrained. FREED might just be turned on by the idea of his wife cutting loose and sharing that supercharged erotic energy with other partners—past, present, and future.”
To your credit, you told her before you eloped that you needed this to be happy, and she didn’t just agree to it, she was enthused about it. I might be inclined to see this as a bait and switch myself if you didn’t have children. Even the most adventurous people—sexual or otherwise—tend to become risk-averse when their children are young, and I imagine your wife is currently some combo of highly risk-averse and completely overwhelmed. Instead of threatening to divorce her, I would encourage you to find a sex-positive counselor who can help you two talk about what your sex life can look like once your children are a little older.
